Remembering 2005

In the early 2000s I was a tortured soul looking for my place in the World. I found my old Geocities page somewhere on the intertubes and the “blogging” I used to do.

I’m glad I learned this lesson back then. It is so astute even today as I continue to work on making my dreams a reality.

Let’s go back to almost 10 years ago.

—————————————-

Lately I have had the opportunity to be introspective… allowed myself to look inside to try to understand the way that I am created. The reasons for my passions, my fears, my needs and what I have discovered is in the process of changing my life.

This world is incredibly demanding, constantly requiring you to give of yourself to surrender a part of you so that something can be accomplished. Unfortunately, many times we are unable to prioritize and end up surrendering pieces of ourselves that are vital to our survival. You may think you don’t ever surrender, but never be deceived because you will ALWAYS have demands placed on you that are inconveniencing.

Friendship is not to be taken lightly, it is a responsibility that one claims for one’s self in order to give, to share, to reduce the loneliness that plagues the human soul. When two hearts acquire that special feeling of kinship, then the mind must be engaged to establish the boundaries of the budding relationship. At that time the minds involved claim the responsibility of friendship which includes surrendering a piece of yourself whenever the situation demands it.

My struggle hasn’t been with surrendering pieces of myself, and those who know me well will testify to the fact that I will surrender every last resource I have available to me to aid my friends. It is a responsibility I will not take lightly because a soul has now been connected to my own. Whenever that friendship fades/goes away/is torn from me by whatever circumstance I lose a little piece of me… that connection that was made.

I talked to God today about it for I am told that my very identity seems to be defined by the relationships in my life, which insulted me at first because it insinuated that I am void of character and substance without relationships. So I was forced to look inside and take stock of my current relationships, but not on my own because we all know where the mind can go if it is not directed by God. He and I talked about friends, loves, crushes, family, extended family, church family and a host of other relationships in my life. I was affirmed and what had been stolen from me by another’s opinion of me was returned.

I am Bwandungi, the second daughter of (redacted).
I am Asiimwe’s younger sister and Tumwijuke, Ayebare and Twonjeirwe’s older sister.
I am one of the maternal Aunts of (redacted)
I am Lydia’s best friend
I am a friend and confidante to Lisa, Rachel, Anne, Julie, Sally, Aja, Mwenki, Grace, Anita, Saison, Message, Christine and a host of other people I cannot name in this little space
Most of all I am God’s precious child, whom He loves and whom He would have gone to the cross for even if I was the only creature on this Earth

I AM defined by my relationships, otherwise I am just a floating soul wafting in the wind, here today and gone tomorrow. We will all die and no one will remember the things we did, or the feats we accomplished, but those lives we have touched that have been brought to us by the grace of God will remember and will smile, or chuckle, or laugh out loud.

I am not apologizing anymore for loving and being totally involved with my friends and family. My relationships give me the roots I need to be stable, support me when I am down and allow me to grow and plant my own seeds in other places. They provide me with rejuvenation when my soul is weary and plant their own seeds of wisdom in my life. And this is who I am!

Advertisements

Rule #1

I have a difficult relationship with rules.

If the danger (and it has to be danger) is not explained in a way that makes sense, my brain gives instructions to my body to break those rules.

If the danger is explained, but is just unconvincing, the same thing happens.

Someone told me recently that it is important for a woman my age (I know, right? GASP! I don’t refer to your age, don’t mention mine!) must dress a certain way.

Look, I wasn’t going to wear skinny jeans. I happen to think that blood circulation is important. I’m not gifted with a butt cleavage even though I’m a proud card carrying member of the IBT (itty bitty titty) Crew. I don’t let it all hang out. But please don’t tell me to shop for Chanel suits. Lemme wear my frills and bows. Don’t give me rules.

I’mma have to start going out like this:

Don’t mess wit me!